“The bed is your stage // Take it away // Put on a show // Put on a play // Don’t ask babe // You know I’m your number one fan babe // So // Get those cameras rollin’ right now // I’m directing and I really wanna see you act out // Let your body take over you // Your body’s takin’ over you” – Body, Syd
Nola. Daaaaaarling. The self-proclaimed “sex positive polyamorous pansexual” has awakened the sexuality of pretty much every Black woman with a Netflix subscription. Spike Lee rebooted his 1986 romantic comedy, She’s Gotta Have It, and turned into a 10-episode Netflix series that I devoured (in its entirety) like a ravenous beast last week. This show gave me EVERYTHING that I didn’t even know that I needed as I was humored, aroused, and intrigued. It felt good seeing a young, independent Black woman (residing in one of the most sought after areas of Brooklyn, Fort Greene) owning her sexuality and living life on her own terms. Sure we have Issa Rae in Insecure, but she doesn’t use condoms with anyone that she fucks (STD/STI much?) and I can’t relate to life in LA – a bitch lives on the East Coast in Do or Die Bed Stuy. Anyway, I digress.
I found quite a few parallels with She’s Gotta Have It and my life, which is why I was far from surprised when several of my friends texted and/or called me to let me know that they thought of me as they watched the show. In the series, Nola entertains three men (and an incredibly attractive woman by the name of “Opal”) in her “loving bed” (her private bedroom) whenever her carnal desires are summoned. I’ve dated “Greer “– the narcissistic, self-absorbed, extremely attractive ladies’ man. I’ve dated “Mars” – the hood, hilarious AF man always down for a good time. I’ve even dated “Jamie” – the suave, in control, well-off boss that always came through when I needed him whether financially or physically. And yes, I’ve even been intimate with “Opal” before – the sexy, mysterious, women that owns her sexuality. But this post isn’t about who I’ve dated or who I’ve been intimate with per se. It’s more about what goes on in a woman’s bedroom, a woman’s dressing room, her bedchamber or her…. BOUDOIR.
I was inspired to not only write this post, but to also dedicate a category in Unicorn In Brooklyn to it. Holding countless titillating, entertaining, raw conversations about sensuality, sex, and intimacy with girlfriends and/or family members prior to the release of the aforementioned series’ spawned this. I was somewhat baffled by how few of my friends owned vibrators or explored different sex toys. Needless to say I also learned that quite a few of them hadn’t experienced g-spot orgasms, the nirvana of squirting while in coitus, engaged in anal sex, had been bound or tied up their partner, tried “risque” positions, watched porn with their partners, had been videotaped during sex, had sex while under the influence (I’m referring to mind elevation, not alcohol inebriation – there’s a difference, trust me) or simply had no idea what to say during foreplay and/or sex.
I’m extra, adventurous, unapologetic, audacious and adventurous in my everyday life, why would I be anything else when discussing or engaging in sex? I view it as one of the greatest gifts bestowed upon us by God. We could’ve simply procreated by holding hands with the opposite sex, but no – he gave us a gift. He gave us five senses to thoroughly enjoy lovemaking/fucking/smashing/boning – whatever you care to call it – and it was meant to be appreciated. We get to enjoy an act that moves both women and men to tears from sheer ecstasy… if done right. For this reason, I’ve never been able to understand why women (and men for that matter) put on these Academy Award winning performances to make their partner’s egregious lack of experience in the bedroom fly. When I don’t like something, I’m extremely vocal about it. When I love something, I let it be known because my insatiable appetite craves more. Why would I waste this gift on a man’s ego?
Boudoir entries will focus on taking onus of your divine femininity, sensuality, and sexuality. I will feature some of my personal experiences as well as the experiences of others – girlfriends and male friends that come to me airing out their sexual frustrations, sharing descriptive stories of their sexcapades, and/or simply asking for me for advice. It is my hope that I will not only educate, but stimulate and arouse your senses with tantalizing, thought-provoking, and entertaining material that will encourage you to engage in the conversation and possibly experiment *smiles deviously*. Stay tuned and as always…